Tips to overcome Obstacles I face as a caregiver

Obstacles :

1. Various opinions in caregiving

2. Time constraint balancing caregiving and full time job

3. Limit in energy in caregiving

4. Lack of boundaries

5. Personal inadequacies and guilt

Tips:

1. Recognising my lack of knowledge, be humble to learn more about this illness and equip myself through courses (caregiver training fund $200 per year), attending free webinars and talks organised by various community partners like Touch community, care corner, awwa, dementia Singapore, to name a few.

2. Recognise there will be various opinions on how to provide caregiving.            

3. Recognise that there is a limit to the time I have. The 24 hours a day is divided into caregiving, care plan, meal planning, raising a family, work, self care. The burnout out in 2019 led me to turn part time in 2021. The extra time is currently put to good use, allows me to strike a balance to caregiving, self care, intentional time for relationships and work. Caregiving can be seasonal. If I devote all my time to caregiving and working full time, I will have no more time nor energy to proactively make time for my family and friends. Marriage and friendships will grow cold and conversation will cease because such relationships are not nurtured. There is a price to pay to be a thriving caregiver. It may mean giving up career progression, financial freedom at an earlier age. Yet it means gain in quality of time, gain in relationships, simplicity.

4. I wrote in my previous blog on how to set boundaries to prevent caregiver burnout. Setting boundaries help me to say no to some things and yes to important things.

5. How to deal personal inadequacies and guilt. Though I have the knowledge of dementia as I am board certified in geriatrics and did an advance course in palliative care, yet I am still learning till this day in my caregiving journey. Caregiving provide me new lens in my work in geriatrics. I gain more empathy as I put myself in their shoes. Caregivers who agonises over the decision to send their loved ones to a nursing home, caregivers who have to work with their domestic worker in the care of their loved ones, caregivers who feel ill equipped to make decisions in times of medical crisises, when approached by healthcare professionals to talk about end of life which is so hard emotionally, even the routine multiple medical appointments that leave the caregivers drained. I remembered dispensing medications to a caregiver  whose loved one is in cared at home by a hospice team. A kind word to her brightens her day and makes her caregiving journey more bearable.

Guilt often comes when thoughts like ‘if you have done this, the outcome would be different’ crept into our minds. This guilt and accusation I will not entertain. Yes. I came back to Singapore to fulfil this role. I will do my best. I shall have no regrets, no room for guilt. I pray regularly that I will perform this role well and thrive.

Fill your minds with good things, perspective that is  right and you will be able to overcome the obstacles in caregiving. This is a marathon, pace yourself and run till the end of the race.

Let us go, thriving caregivers.