According to Oxford Dictionary, "Attitudes" is the way that you think and feel about somebody/something; the way that you behave towards somebody/something that shows how you think and feel
Quoting from the renowned brain coach Jim Kwik in his book "Limitless" , Motivation is a set of emotions (Painful and pleasurable) that act as the fuel for our actions. Where does it come from? Motivation comes from purpose, fully feeling and associating with the consequences of our actions (or inactions).
I once heard this question being posed to me: Where do you find the motivation to caregiving? What are your attitudes towards it? Is it a burden? I ponder hard about it and came out with this acronym.
HEARTFELT
H:Heart to heart journey to maintain the dignity of my loved ones
It is a heart journey not hard journey I told myself time and time again. Because it requires a lot of heart to offer caregiving. I am reminded to practise self care so that emotional bank will not grow empty.
Maintain the dignity of my loved ones is also one way of my Expression of love towards them.
E:Example set for my children and other families who has elderly parents or family members with mental or other health needs. Through caregiving together as a family, my children is learning to empathise, how to look out for the needs of the loved one and pick up skills to be a better carer, worker, prepares them to be more ready in the society. It trains them to not be self-absorbed in their own needs but to be helpful and sensitive to the needs of their loved ones.
A: Attitudes that I hope to have: ALWAYS reminding myself the reason I become a caregiver. It is for a season, not life and it is to carry out this responsibility during this special season so that I can look back with no regrets.
R:Rejoicing that I have this opportunity to serve my loved ones. Through this unique experience, I can connect with other caregivers and also learn to empathise better with those in the same journey.
T:Thriving not surviving. Thriving is defined as to become and continue to be, successful, strong and healthy. Compared to surviving, it is merely to continue to live or exist. Since this caregiving season is temporarily, I would like to make the best out of it. Instead of waking up dreading my feet to care for my loved one, I would make a choice to do the best I can in this caregiving season.
I once attended a webinar and the caregiver shared that she enjoyed the time with her mum, cooking and doing activities together. I never knew how caregiving can be a joy, how I can be a thriving caregiver. I was working full time then and always rushing for time. Even my conversations with her were hurried. Now that I have turned part time, I am able to make more time to spend unhurried time with her, making an effort to play the guitar once a week with her, singing her favourite songs, as well as assisting her in maintaining her potted plants like the blue pea flower plants, her chilli and curry leave plants.
Instead of getting frustrated with the to do list for the day, I was able to manage my time better and even enjoy simple "chores" like cutting her nails and applying moisturisers on her feet as something pleasurable and not burdensome.
F:Filial Piety is the most common replies from most of the participants who gave the answer to this question. What is your motivation behind caregiving? However, after I attended this caregiver support group webinar, I felt that filial piety should not be the only reason for caregiving. Once I have penned down all these goals and attitudes in the form of this acronym, I am able to convince and motivate myself further.
When I wake up each morning, I know these will guide my life decisions. My decision to turn part time. My decision to cook meals to cater to my mother's needs. My reason to assist her and to empathise with her, to understand how she grabble too with her shrinking memory. To continually affirm and encourage her to use whatever she has in her to continue to function as normally as possible.
My expression of love is also an extension of my filial piety for her.
E:Expression of
L:Love
Just as my mother once cared for me when I was young and helpless as a baby and child, caregiving is a way of loving her and caring for her. Delegating this responsibility to a domestic helper alone - to the person it is a job to them. However, to me, it is repaying the years of kindness and love that has been bestow to me and this serve as an motivation in caregiving - a factor that is absent if this caregiving duty is given to a domestic helper or even a paid caregiver.
T:Training of my own character, my growth as a person is part of the caregiving process. Being more patient, understanding that many of the things that are spoken or done are not intentional, nor personal but part of the disease that is slowly eating her up. These are valuable lessons that continually to challenge me to be a better caregiver. Even if I should make mistakes today and lose my cool, I know I will continue to reflect and improve myself so that I can be a better caregiver moving forward.
WIth all these points, I hope that my goals and purpose will be enduring. That they would inspire and sustain me during my difficult times of caregiving and to motivate me when I feel like quitting. I hope that you too will be encouraged and never to give up.
Just like the sloth that is hanging on the tree, my daughter drew this remind me : To self care. Hang in there. Thrive.
Let your caregiving be HEARTFELT.
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